Beautiful Disaster

Boxing Day went well, I was up at 6am and James before that. We went to Marketplace Way and it was pretty dead even though the craft store had opened at 7. I thought it would be nuts but nope, hardly anyone.

After that we went to Marks and then Canadian Tire, then home so James could make us an awesome breakfast and then we were off again to Metropolis Comics and Games.

I was sad they didn't have any Clint Barton figures, they said they had gotten the huge one I fell in love with when the movie first came out and that it had been $189. That thing looks so realistic I could have married it. @_@

Then we decided to peek at Metrotown but after a quick pop into Sakura media we got the hell out of there.

I spent a lot of my Christmas money but sadly I didn't really get any sales. Had a 30% off coupon for my entire purchase at Michael's but that had nothing to do with Boxing Day, I think they only thing I got on sale was a 6 drawer storage thingy to keep my craft supplies in which was $44 on sale for $17.

Some of what I got:

The storage thingy
A cute blue lap desk for the laptop
a memory foam bath mat for Taro's poor bones.
some more acrylic paints.
a thingy for paint that will also work as a mold
a couple paint brushes
Mod Podge
Glitter
I forget what else....

The next day James took me back to Michael's because I had another coupon for 50% off of any one item so I picked up the resin with that.
Later that day I met up with Lily at Metrotown to do a trade, she always looks so awesome...I love her style and should poke her to model for me when the weather gets better~

Felt like I got the better end of the deal T_T because I traded her some tarot cards and she made me the most beautiful necklace....I need to get a photo of it but omg...I love it so much! She also traded me a bag of stuff she's gotten from craft faires. Thank you again for that! I meant to message her that night but stuff happened and I was in BLAAAAAAH mode for like 4 days. My brother actually staged a mini intervention with me because I think my mood scared him....oops T_T

Anyway, on to the bag of goodies....I spent over an hour going through it all, so much neat stuff....and a lot of it I can use for crafting. I still haven't finished putting all of it away.

( Pictures and stuff )

Been mostly posting to my Tumblr http://photography-kitty.tumblr.com/ but I'll dump some of the text entries here:

2 days ago:

The pain in my neck/base of my skull was so bad yesterday that I looked online to see if there were any walk-in clinics open on a Sunday. Found one and James took me. The doctor was actually nice and listened to me. He asked if I was having any other symptoms so I mentioned all the joint pain I've been having and the pins and needles.

Which I was having a lot of while I was seeing him in my left elbow.
He did a lot of small neurological tests and then gave me some Celebrex (which is good because I still can’t afford my prescription for it from months ago so now I have about a weeks worth. He also gave me some pain killers and a strong muscle relaxant to take before bed and said if its still hurting in 4 days then go see my doctor because I may need a CT scan.

Came home, popped my pills and that combined with being awake since about 12am I was passing out reading tumblr so I crashed. Here’s hoping the pills fix me~

Wedding dress I love = http://24.media.tumblr.com/e09c8faaaab16383437c0e3cf00d4cd5/tumblr_metkh05Efp1qf3bvio1_500.jpg

3 Days ago:

Did a bit of Christmas shopping today, and by a bit I mean bought ONE thing….picked up a doll for Katherine. Still not sure what I’m getting everyone else o_o The mall was so crazy and my legs were dying. I came home to a comfy bed + pain killers and napped twice. Was planning on going down to a craft fair and like LEAVING at 5am (crazy talk omg :X) but I should have done that yesterday as now the translink trip planner is like lololz no busses 4U! /swt The earliest I could get there is 7am and I wanted to be there at 6.

Oh well, I didn’t really relish sitting in the freezing cold for 4hrs just to get a swag bag, walking in the DARK, ALONE, etc…plus theres the whole issue of, I went to Metrotown for 2hrs and now I can hardly walk. Fuu. 5 days later my neck still hurts, yay car accident flares. Going to see the doctor Monday because ow.

One week ago:

Tests
http://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/ptsd-test/
Current score is : 17
PTSD Test Scoring:
1-3: (few symptoms of PTSD)
4-9: (PTSD likely)
10+: (You display many symptoms of PTSD)
——-
http://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/quick-inventory-of-depressive-symptomatology/
Current score is : 21
Scoring: Your score from the depression screening quiz is above. Rating the severerity of your depression symptoms:
0-5 (None)
6-10 (Mild)
11-15 (Moderate)
16-20 (Severe)
21+ (Very Severe)

One week ago:

Monday: Went to Yaletown to see what was going on for International Day of Persons with a Disability, looked around at all the different booths and I was a little surprised when only 3 people bothered speaking to us. One woman telling us about adaptive sports, another really nice woman from the Vancouver Aquarium and then an older man talking about some artwork a group had done.

No one else even bothered to make eye contact X_x

Was this because we both looked healthy? I was fairly limpy the entire time I was there and hanging on to James for support. It was weird.
We only stayed about half an hour and then met up with Ian to wander around downtown, only popped into a couple stores because my body had had it so we went to grab some food and head home. Tuesday was spent in bed resting or asleep o_o now my hours are all over the place again. Fuu.

One week ago:

Friday: Legs mostly held up and pain was tolerable, made it to two events and other than some weakness and calf cramps it was all good. Of course like 5mins after I got home my left knee collapsed so hard it was like someone kicked it. I slammed into the counter but managed to keep upright and not hurt myself.

Crashed after the party, got up and got ready for Changeling. Chris didn't mention anything about my NPC so I just picked out one of my costumes and wore that hoping it would work and it did XD
Had a seriously awesome time and didn't die so I get to play her again next month ^_^

I stood for most of the game o_o just had too much to do so I know I’m going to pay for that but whatever, I had fun.
Hoping I can go out to the International Disability day thing later today but after 2 days of events I will be amazed o_o!
I should go to bed now but James and I are working on our Changeling characters for the restart. Can’t wait <3

One week ago:

Was talking to a newer friend today and was explaining bits of a past bad situation so they would have some context and even though its been two and a half years (and add into that 2 support groups and some therapy) and I was surprised that my hands started visibly shaking and that it made me want to cry. I really thought I was mostly over that bit. James was standing right next to me and even he was surprised at how much I was shaking.

It also bothered me because it feels like with that reaction the person still has power over me, I don’t want them to be able to affect me like that.

But it always reminded me of just how bad it was and how glad I am to be out of that situation. And how glad I am to have such awesome supportive friends ^_^


One week ago:

Stupid left knee has been extra bad the past few days, although extra bad seems like it has become normal….which is sad.
Today while James and I were out walking it was doing it so much I was not able to put any weight on it at all, and my poor right leg was exhausted from holding me up.

Thankfully James is always holding my hand which almost always prevents me from hitting the ground when I go down but this time he had to throw my arm around his shoulders and haul me home that way. And as we got even closer it got so bad that he just scooped me up and carried me. I am glad I have such an awesome boyfriend. ^_^

After getting me home he went back out to pick me up some orange juice I was craving and now I am in bed with all my fuzzy blankets and my legs propped up. So glad I don’t have to go anywhere tomorrow T_T
Looking forward to the Imaginarius Fantasticus Christmas Faire This weekend! Might dress up for it, not sure.

I know people mean well and are trying to help but oy, sometimes I want to bang my head against a wall.

When talking with someone the other day (someone who doesn’t actually know me, we just talk when I’m at the place she works) and we got on to the subject of my knees. I explained briefly whats wrong with them.

Her - “Oh! You should use *insert some random cream I forget the name of*. It worked great for the pain of my sprained ankle!”

Erm…sorry, no. I have had sprained ankles before and while they can be quite painful they HEAL, the pain will eventually go away. I don’t have that luxury, my pain never goes away, sometimes its just more manageable than others.

Also, I have yet to hear of someone feeling suicidal due to pain from a sprained ankle.
Your creams will not work for me, I have tried many and they don’t do a thing.

Her - “Or, if you wanted to not take hard drugs or super strong anti inflammatory’s you could take this natural *insert other name I’ve forgotten* tea!”
ahahaha….no :X

Her - “Make sure you don’t baby your knees, that will make them weaker”

Maybe for some people, not for me. If I didn’t “baby my knees” I probably wouldn’t be walking. Yes I walk, yes I CAREFULLY exercise them but FUCKING NO I CANNOT and WILL not do those fucking squats you are showing me ESPECIALLY AFTER I just told you my knees really DO NOT BEND anymore. I have not been able to “squat” for a long time and I can’t even really get down on the floor anymore without someone helping me up. And the last time I oh so carefully KNEELED, one of my knees popped out of joint and I face planted into the floor.

Her - “You are too young to have these problems”

Yes, I always was and still am…but it sucks and I do have them and they aren’t going anywhere.
Sitting is hell, even though I do it slowly and its sad when the one thing I can’t wait to go buy is a raised toilet seat. Depressing and embarrassing but fuck it. I would like to sit down WITHOUT PAIN~! Also, I need a cute little cane or some forearm crutches.

After everything that went down 2 years ago and the loss of some friends and some that I kept on FB and LJ even after stupid comments were made....well today I saw a comment in someone else's FB who was a victim of something awful, this "friends" comment was very sweet & supportive and yet the comment said to me? Not so much.....

I'm so glad for the people that stood by me and continue to do so. For those that didn't, I wish you well but you are no longer a part of my life.

More good links

http://www.fugitivus.net/2009/06/26/another-post-about-rape-3/

http://pervocracy.blogspot.se/2011/01/do-you-scream.html

http://faultline.org/site/item/how_not_to_be_an_asshole_a_guide_for_men/

http://justinelarbalestier.com/blog/2012/08/06/why-women-are-silent/

Mittens


* Got my x-ray results back....spinal arthritis...blaaah...my insides are falling apart...
She said its possible the car accident could have brought it on.

* Had my second ever migraine...thankfully did not need to go to the ER as this one was not quite as bad but lasted all day =\


( Pictures! )

Sick right now with the cough/cold my Mum has..ugh. And on top of that I decided to stop my Effexor cold turkey so HELLO WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS FROM HELL OMG...for the past 4 DAYS T_T

Might have to miss Changeling tonight if I'm not any better (because I refuse to me one of those people that turns up ill and infects everyone) which really blows because if I go to Alberta with James at the end of this month it would mean missing the last game I'd be able to play for a few months.

Since he hasn't had any job offers here at all yet, going back for a bit is seeming more and more likely. There was one offer but its for an opportunity up in Northern Alberta for 3 months. If it goes through it'd be great because they'd put us up in a place outside of town, the pay is awesome plus he would also get 'isolation pay' on top of that. They could also easily get me a job but there's no way I can work at the moment.

Which might mean I end up staying here dealing with medical stuff and we do the long distance thing for a bit, we are fine with either but obviously would prefer to stay/go together.

Going would also mean missing the Masquerade and Ren Faire but that's okay, there's always next year.

Copied from FB:


This Saturday the place my brother work's is doing one of their open house things, its a nifty place to wander around (they buy & sell things to movie and tv shows like Supernatural and The Killing) plus free hot dogs & pop = win win.

This is where he gets me the old key's, a Coroner's office sign from The Outer Limits, and I ALMOST had a coffin but it got sold on me =(

http://www.jacksused.com/Strangestuff.html

James and I will be heading down and bringing Sierra in her carrier (still need a pet stroller dammit) since she hasn't been out in awhile and loves car rides.

Info:

Prizes! Food! Drinks!
Everything on sale!

Jack's Customer appreciation day!

Saturday April 14th
10:00-4:00pm

1st Prize- $500.00 shopping spree and Free delivery
2nd Prize-Stain glass window
Three 3rd Prizes-Garden Benches

50% select Items
Free delivery with purchases over $600.00
(Deliveries in Lower mainland only)

http://www.jacksused.com/

Found out we are here for April, so yay. I really wish we could just get settled somewhere but I guess we won't know whats up for another month.

I've been like sleeping constantly, its annoying and very hard to get me up. And when I am up its hard to stay awake. I could have passed out hours ago but we went out to see friends and now I wanted to get a few things done. Everyone figures its CFS (not just because of the sleepyness but other things as well) and I'd have to agree but until I'm able to find a non doushy doctor I'll have to wait to know for sure.

I'm so tired I could cry.

Knee's have been annoying and I think today my right one (which is bad just not as bad as the other -_-) has had it with me bearing most of my weight on it. It gave out, which isn't unusual but it was a hard one. More pain than usual and James thought he might have to carry me up the stairs. It did it again not even 5mins later and now I have one of my crutches out to hobble along. Annoying...

I feel like I need to do something, just not sure what yet.

I needs my Lude.

[Error: unknown template qotd]

Tie between Sean Comnery and Daniel Craig kthx.

I feel like I'm the only person who likes Valentine's Day X_x
and it has nothing to do with being in a relationship, I've always liked it. Sure I was a little disappointed the years I didn't have anyone to share it with but I still enjoyed it. I'd buy chocolate, watch girly movies, get my Mum some flowers and a card, exchange cards with friends. One year I even made a date with a gay friend...although he stood me up the night before because he found a hot guy to go out with lol.

I am a total sucker for all the red and pink, flowers, chocolate, etc...

I happened to ask my brother what he was planning on doing for Dana and he said "Bah, we don't bother with Valentine's Day, its just a manufactured holiday anyway."

Erm, so is Christmas but you both run around buying each other gifts for that X_x

If people really don't like it then that's fine but I really don't get all the hate. Especially the overused like "You should show your love on more than just one day out of the year"

Uh, we do. James and I do stuff like that for each other all year round but that doesn't mean we won't be doing anything special for Valentine's Day.

I already picked him up something special (still need to get something for my Mum and Sierra) and we have plans for the 14th that I am looking forward to ^_^

Also, I kinda want to see the Vow....I feel dirty :X