(no subject)

Padme was put to sleep yesterday, she still could not pee and the vet said she would not be able to teach me to express it because even with their years of experience, they were having trouble. They said her bladder was strange; probably a birth defect and I might cause internal damage if I tried.

They were also very concerned about renal failure (something I lost my last kitty, Ewok to).

We spent time with her, and then the vet took her in back to put a catheter in her paw. They brought her back to my Mum and I in the pretty little visitors room. She was wrapped like a taco again, in a puffy bed like the one she has at home and a couple blankets. I wanted to stay with her, hold her. Something I was unable to do with Ewok....I was too upset then so just my Mum went.

So I held her, gave her kisses, pets and told her I loved her and that I was sorry for doing this. It was quick and peaceful. Part of me really wanted to kick the vet away when she bent down to give the injection because it felt like WHY the hell would I let someone give my best friend something that was going to kill her?! I felt so awful and still do. I have had kitties my whole life but Padme and I have been the closest.
I asked to have her cremated, something else we were unable to do with Ewok due to funds :(

Because they were letting us do a payment plan they said okay, we will even get a clay paw print along with it for free. I picked blue because for some reason she always seemed to prefer that colour.

And although it seems frivolous....I really wanted a little silver heart necklace with some of her ashes in it. I know the money could be saved for Padme’s daughter Taro or the kitty my boyfriend and I are looking after (and will probably keep) or even donated but it was almost a panicky thing, I need this, I need her with me.

I got so upset when they said I’d have to pay the money for that upfront, all I had on me wad $60. Nowhere near enough, so I have sent messages to my best friend and boyfriend (who is away visiting family) asking if I can borrow it. The vet said they could wait a few days.
Padme got amazing care there; I’ll never be able to say enough good things about the South Burnaby Vet Hospital.

I’ve been crying ever since, my best kitty friend is gone. We would always have an afternoon nap together with the sun streaming through my window.

For now,( a heavy picsspam. )

(no subject)

Still feel like total crap after yesterday, didn't sleep well...but I am amazed I slept at all. Been staying at James' to look after Sierra since I told him to go on the trip without me. He was really torn about it but we didn't go in the summer (too busy here and too many bugs there)and I knew he missed his family.

He called last night to see how I was and even offered to come home, I told him to stay.

I am amazed at the people on LJ who have left such sweet well wishes for Padme, I keep tearing up reading them and even sent the link so my Mum could read. A few people have even offered donations to help pay her bill and help me get the necklace I want. I still need to get an updated bill from the vet. Last I checked it was $1500 o_o and I know the euthanasia and cremation weren't added on that.

Padme still had a bunch of different medications left so we asked the vet if any other kitties in need could use it and she said it would be donated to a shelter which is awesome.

Once everything is all paid off my next thing to do is take Sierra in for her first check up and get her vaccinations, talk to Ian about adopting her and then get her a harness, leash and stroller.

The stairs James made for Padme will stay in my room, now that Taro is able to come in and out as she pleases...she can use them to help her get up on my bed. Although apparently she hasn't bothered with my room at all.

Since I can't donate any cash to help other kitties I have e-mailed the New West SPCA to volunteer my time with the kitties there, I saw on their website that they need people.

Hoping for no more bad luck this year, 2 car accidents + the injuries that came with them, having to run James to the ER and that whole scare, Daisy dying, and then Padme :(

I took apart Padme's cat tree and now Sierra's got it, strangely fitting since it was Ian that kindly bought it for Padme so many years ago. Although I can't find the instructions and can't seem to put it back together -_-!!! Maybe James can do it when he gets back.

edit: I e-mailed http://www.armarkat.com to see if they had a PDF of the instructions thinking they'd be all, well yeah but you need to buy it but nope, a few hours after I sent the e-mail they got back to me with the file~! Awesome company. I will take it apart (for the 3rd time omg) and try again tomorrow~