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Creepers
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/
It's sad how often this happens in groups, we've had a few creepers in LARP (and in the anime crowd) and people usually defend them or keep quiet so as not to cause drama or make the creeper feel bad.
There was one guy who would always make Pervy comments to the girls and he spent one game (4 hours...) talking about what kind of underwear my character would wear. o_o And how would she feel if he bought her some? I just kept trying to change the subject.
He also started messaging me online, which was fine until he started suggesting idea's for photo-shoots I could do with my brothers then girlfriend...
They were all really pervy bdsm related and he would send images to show what he meant. He also offered to come help out on any of the shoots. o_O!
I told him no thank you and that we would never do those types of shoots, I really wish I had just told him he was making me seriously fucking uncomfortable and to stop it. But instead I just blocked him online.
Another guy would make the odd crude comment and one day he grabbed my ass. I said "don't do that!" and he just laughed. I thought about making a bigger deal of it but didn't want to embarrass him or be a drama queen. But it bothered me that I was suffering just so someone else wouldn't feel bad.
Another creeper situation, it ended up with a girl and something bad happening at a game.
I told her I would go to the police station with her (a short walk away from the venue) and she agreed. I went upstairs to grab her clothes so she could change out of her costume and 5mins later when I came back down, one of the guys pulled me aside to let me know that guy A and guy B had talked her out of it. I was like wtf why?! He told me they didn't want the game being interrupted by cops, after all....the players from out of town were all here....it was a special game. I thanked him for the info and silently seethed.
All the times the guys told us if anything ever happened, let them know, they'd help us..right, they forgot to mention that if it messed with their game...forget it.
At another game, I was walking off with two male players....one I thought of as a good friend, that friend said to the other guy while grinning at me "wanna go halvers on a rape charge? Lolz!"
......
I gave them both shit and explained why that wasn't at all funny....they didn't seem to get it. /swt
The Alan issue is a good example, most people found what he was doing to me pretty repulsive yet no one said a word. A couple people explained they wanted to talk to him but didn't because they worried it would be taken out on me which I totally understood.
But when it came to the end of things so many people did a complete 180. They felt like because things had ended, that should be it. Why the heck would I avoid him? Why was I messed up? PTSD? Na, that's just me being a drama queen.God Forbid we ~villinize~ Alan. And how it was all my fault because I am too passive.
Part of that last bit was right, I was too passive.
But that did not make his behavior okay, nor did it make it my fault.
Same with letting it go one for so long, its not that I was okay with what was going on but because I saw how bad he could get when he was angry so I tried my very best to keep him in a happy mood.
Maybe he isn't a bad person...but his behaviour sure was.
I get that they don't know every detail about what went on (even if they think they do)and I don't expect them to ever get it sadly. I was having nightmares pretty much every night in the couple months leading up to the end and for a few after, PTSD is really not fun, I was going to councilling once a week and was in two different support groups that my Stop The Violence intake worker put me in. The last group finished up just as I was coming out to Alberta.
I finally got rid of my creeper, but i lost a lot of friends in the processes. They still hang out with him. With me? Not so much.
I went back to LARP after awhile but it felt uncomfortable, I was not part of that group anymore. I have thought about going back again because I need more that one troupe game a month and who knows...maybe some things will be different but I think waiting awhile was good. I needed time to deal with everything and also I am more assertive. Not as much as I'd like to be but I'm getting there. Hard reset is next year so I may as well wait until them anyway.
I'd like to make it a safer space for all the girls, no one should have to put up with any creeper behaviour.
Worth watching, a video done by the woman who ran my Monday group.
*Edit* my Mum took a look at the creeper link and actually asked me if that had to do with someone from our LARP group because it sounded so familiar to her. =\
It's sad how often this happens in groups, we've had a few creepers in LARP (and in the anime crowd) and people usually defend them or keep quiet so as not to cause drama or make the creeper feel bad.
There was one guy who would always make Pervy comments to the girls and he spent one game (4 hours...) talking about what kind of underwear my character would wear. o_o And how would she feel if he bought her some? I just kept trying to change the subject.
He also started messaging me online, which was fine until he started suggesting idea's for photo-shoots I could do with my brothers then girlfriend...
They were all really pervy bdsm related and he would send images to show what he meant. He also offered to come help out on any of the shoots. o_O!
I told him no thank you and that we would never do those types of shoots, I really wish I had just told him he was making me seriously fucking uncomfortable and to stop it. But instead I just blocked him online.
Another guy would make the odd crude comment and one day he grabbed my ass. I said "don't do that!" and he just laughed. I thought about making a bigger deal of it but didn't want to embarrass him or be a drama queen. But it bothered me that I was suffering just so someone else wouldn't feel bad.
Another creeper situation, it ended up with a girl and something bad happening at a game.
I told her I would go to the police station with her (a short walk away from the venue) and she agreed. I went upstairs to grab her clothes so she could change out of her costume and 5mins later when I came back down, one of the guys pulled me aside to let me know that guy A and guy B had talked her out of it. I was like wtf why?! He told me they didn't want the game being interrupted by cops, after all....the players from out of town were all here....it was a special game. I thanked him for the info and silently seethed.
All the times the guys told us if anything ever happened, let them know, they'd help us..right, they forgot to mention that if it messed with their game...forget it.
At another game, I was walking off with two male players....one I thought of as a good friend, that friend said to the other guy while grinning at me "wanna go halvers on a rape charge? Lolz!"
......
I gave them both shit and explained why that wasn't at all funny....they didn't seem to get it. /swt
The Alan issue is a good example, most people found what he was doing to me pretty repulsive yet no one said a word. A couple people explained they wanted to talk to him but didn't because they worried it would be taken out on me which I totally understood.
But when it came to the end of things so many people did a complete 180. They felt like because things had ended, that should be it. Why the heck would I avoid him? Why was I messed up? PTSD? Na, that's just me being a drama queen.God Forbid we ~villinize~ Alan. And how it was all my fault because I am too passive.
Part of that last bit was right, I was too passive.
But that did not make his behavior okay, nor did it make it my fault.
Same with letting it go one for so long, its not that I was okay with what was going on but because I saw how bad he could get when he was angry so I tried my very best to keep him in a happy mood.
Maybe he isn't a bad person...but his behaviour sure was.
I get that they don't know every detail about what went on (even if they think they do)and I don't expect them to ever get it sadly. I was having nightmares pretty much every night in the couple months leading up to the end and for a few after, PTSD is really not fun, I was going to councilling once a week and was in two different support groups that my Stop The Violence intake worker put me in. The last group finished up just as I was coming out to Alberta.
I finally got rid of my creeper, but i lost a lot of friends in the processes. They still hang out with him. With me? Not so much.
I went back to LARP after awhile but it felt uncomfortable, I was not part of that group anymore. I have thought about going back again because I need more that one troupe game a month and who knows...maybe some things will be different but I think waiting awhile was good. I needed time to deal with everything and also I am more assertive. Not as much as I'd like to be but I'm getting there. Hard reset is next year so I may as well wait until them anyway.
I'd like to make it a safer space for all the girls, no one should have to put up with any creeper behaviour.
Worth watching, a video done by the woman who ran my Monday group.
*Edit* my Mum took a look at the creeper link and actually asked me if that had to do with someone from our LARP group because it sounded so familiar to her. =\